Haunted Houses by Lynne Tillman: I want to remember in order to keep from being an animal. Raw Blue by Whirr: “Heaven’s too far away.” Doing laundry, vacuuming my room, washing the dishes to feel less depressed (works like a charm). Curb Your Enthusiasm (rewatch). Two cigarettes a day: one in the morning, one in the afternoon (that won’t kill me, I don’t think). Penance by Eliza Clark: There’s a bit of you that’s always a teenager, isn’t there? Black cold brew (even when it’s five degrees out). “Bad Word” by Sleeper’s Bell: “Looking back at the heartache / God, what a lovely pain.” Twin Peaks (first watch, in love). ASMR videos of someone softly playing games (rush hour, wooden puzzle, etc.). Perverts by Ethel Cain. Dreams that blend together the inside and the outside (I’m in a dark rave, then I walk through a door to find the bathroom and I’m on a cliff overlooking traffic on a wonderfully drizzly day. When I’m about to order a car home, friends I haven’t seen in years start popping up). Bonjour Tristesse: No doubt at her age I would also have to pay someone to love me, because love is the most wonderful thing in the world. Love was worth whatever it cost. The fuzzy, evocative guitars of TAGABOW. Writing about weird hookups. Teaching my bunny how to leave my room (have to lure him with treats; bunnies are so curious yet so scared). Deliver Me by Elle Nash: sucking on dirty tampons, bee stings to the ass during sex. “Emotional Abandonment” by Jessica Lea Mayfield. Telling my baristas about my weird dreams. DÍA by Ela Minus: waves and waves of glimmering synths and pulsing beats. Walking on my treadmill and doing intense yoga stretches just to feel the soreness of my legs. “Hardly” by Free Range: “You hardly notice when I glance at you / But I do.” Writing about morbid teenage girls (and waiting impatiently for someone to publish it). Plans canceled by winter storms. Life goes on and on and on.
Hardly is monumental, I have not stopped listening